The Job Interview: A Social Experiment in Suffering

Let’s talk about job interviews. Otherwise known as a carefully orchestrated interrogation where you attempt to convince a total stranger that you are, in fact, a functional human being despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

There is no greater test of human endurance than the moment you sit down across from a hiring manager and hear the dreaded words: “Tell me about yourself” Excuse me? In what world is that a reasonable request? Do you want a full existential breakdown, or just my employment history? Because I can assure you, I am equally unprepared for both.

And then come the behavioural questions which exist solely to make you doubt every life decision you’ve ever made. “Can you tell us about a time you faced a challenge and how you handled it?” Mate, I’m facing a challenge right now by resisting the urge to run straight out of this building.

Then there’s “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I don’t even know what I’m having for dinner tonight. What kind of psychic do you think I am? Just once, I’d love to answer, “Hopefully not still doing job interviews.”

Don’t even get me started on the fake enthusiasm performance. No one—and I mean NO ONE—has ever woken up thinking, “You know what would bring me joy today? Crafting the perfect answer to ‘What’s your biggest weakness?’” Mate!! ... It’s job interviews. Job interviews are my biggest weakness.

By the end of it, you leave the room knowing full well that you blacked out for at least half the conversation. Did I actually answer their questions? Did I just ramble for 45 minutes about my cats? Was I making any sense at all? We may never know.

And then… silence. For weeks. Maybe even months. Because despite the company’s desperate urgency to fill the position, they apparently now require the same amount of time as a government investigation to make a decision.

And if you’re lucky enough to get the email, it will be one of two things:

1. The Rejection – A beautifully generic “We regret to inform you…” message that might as well say, “We have selected a candidate who actually knows what they’re doing.”

2. The Offer – At which point you’re expected to joyfully sign away 40 hours a week of your life like it’s a privilegeto answer emails for a living.

   
   

So why do we put ourselves through this? Because apparently, survival requires employment. And because I, like many others, need money to fuel my tartare sauce obsession.

And thus, the cycle continues.

Much love,

Boe xxx